I hate futbol

Let's file this as of interest only to me, and perhaps UL compadres Kris Russell and Rob Percy...

But Arsenal are killing me. Killing. Me. They're killing me. Wednesday, which should have been one of the worst days of my life because of the Really Bad Thing that happened, might have been my worst days because the @#$&! Gunners wee-weed away a two-goal lead in the 89th minute at home against their archrival, Tottenham. Both goals were total giveaways.
Then today the Arse were beaten by Stoke City -- a just-promoted and likely-to-be-relegated side that features one guy whose stock in trade is long throw-ins to the box and 10 guys named Nigel. Guess how Stoke scored both goals? On long throw-in to the box. Friggin. A.

On the bright side, I am an official tactical genius. Today was tournament day for my eldest son's soccer team. This was the day that our team, after having its brains beat in weekly for the better part of two months, could forget that all and finish first in the league with three mini-game wins. As assistant coach for the team, and having watched the bunch all year long, I knew we were in for a long day if we played the way we had been all season. So I proposed a change. Most teams in the division, including us, play with three forwards and two defenders. We scored a total of, like, three goals all season so it's not as if having three forwards was doing us any bloody good. So I proposed we play with three defenders and two forwards and just try to prevent goals and see what that would do.

And wouldn't you know it? We were a totally different team. In our first match, against a team that beat us 10-o last week, we settled in nicely defensively and kept the game under control. Then, wouldn't you know it, on our two forwards' first trip downfield -- GOAL! Our first lead of the season! I think the players were the most stunned, after us coaches. And the other team. But they recovered and won, 3-1. Still, it was our best performance by far.

We kept the new alignment and, wouldn't you know it, in game 2 on our two forwards' first trip downfield -- GOAL! Another 1-0 lead. Then, just before half, the girl who scored our first goal had the ball with a wide-open net in front of her. "That's it!" I thought. "A two-goal lead! This one's ours!" And just as quickly she shanked the shot wide by a foot. I wanted to get down on my knees a la Fred the Bishop in Caddyshack and shout "Oh, rat farts!!!!" but I decided against it. Then, with one of our least experienced players in goal for the second half, I watched as one shot hit the post and three golden chances for the other team glanced wide of the post by, I think, a grand total of 18 inches. Somehow we held on. As we lined up to shake hands, one of our players asked me what the score was. "1-nothing," I told her. Her face lit up.
"We won????!!!!" she said.
"Yes, we won," I said.
"We won????!!!!" she said.
"Yes, we won," I said.
"We won????!!!!" she said.
"Yes, yes! We won!" I told her. I'm not sure I could believe it myself.

In the third game, if we'd won, we'd have had a chance to finish first -- after all the miserable beatings we took this year, we had a chance to be first. That's what you have to love about sport. Every time you get in the game, you have a chance to succeed.

It didn't fall for us. The other team, which finished first, beat us 2-0. But we weren't outplayed by any means. Our kids played great and we had several good chances at goal and just didn't cash in. Oh, well. Our kids left the field feeling good about themselves, which hadn't happened for them all season. Good for you, gang. Great job.

Maybe Arsenal needs my tactical help.

-- MJM